Ok, well it's not really. But a few years ago I rewrote the words from the song "She" made famous by the film Notting Hill and sung originally by Charles Aznavor and later by Elvis Costello.

The only connection with Christmas is you'll probably find yourself at a Karaoke and need a good song to sing. You can take these lyrics with you with my blessing and have a good un.

Alternative Lyrics To ‘She’

He may be the face you can’t forget
The one you dated for a bet
May be a treasure, should be buried anyway
He may be the headache morning brings
Who stayed all night and never rings
Who never washed his under-things
You never liked him anyway

He may do the things you like the least
He’ll fart in bed, the dirty beast
Hung like a hamster and he smells just like one too
He may be the one you hate to kiss
You can’t describe the sex as bliss
He still can’t find your clitoris
He’s not for you

He who always looked so stupid in a crowd
Who jokes could be embarrassing and loud
You couldn’t fancy him, god knows you tried
When he takes his trousers off you want to laugh
Who left you always longing for a bath
Who you would leave if you just had some pride

He may be the reason that you drink
That one that took you to the brink
The one you wish would move a thousand miles from here
He may be the thing you mostly fear
The one who gave you Gonorrhoea
The Doctor said it just might clear
The reason for your strife is HE……