Size 10 by teatime

Well really?

Hubby got a really good job this week. I can't talk about it because Daniel Craig will be jealous and we have to give the Aston Martin back tomorrow.

Suffice to say that I asked if I could buy some make up (OH please do he said). Nah, he didn't. I wish he would go to spec savers but maybe not.

Anyhow, today I had a nice girly shop. This included buying toilet paper (the toilet brush left a nasty rash) and washing up liquid. We're not sure what it's for, but our hands our very soft.

Between all this frippery, I wandered into the posh shop in town and looked at foundation creams. (how luxurious?) A child wandered over and asked if she could help? Ooooooooh Nooooooooo she was at least 23 and in charge of the whole thing.

Well, I dunno I said. "Can you make me look sixteen by teatime", she backed away (it's a common reaction). "What are you looking for" (she asked nervously") Ermmmm Eternal Youth? I said. Ahh bless her. She did her best.

So now, (she's a good sales woman) I have 60 quids worth of cosmetics, and I still look like an old hag (just don't tell Hubby, Ah, he knows I look like an old hag, it's the sixty quid that worries me!)

She applied the makeup so softly and expertly that I felt like Royalty. (William and Harry the morning after - just kidding). Then she handed me the mirror. Aaaaaargh. The makeup was perfect. But there it was. A very DEFINATE moustache. Yikes!!!!!!!!!!!

SO, WELL, couldn't be doing with that.

So I bought bleach. I cleaned all the toilets and (in the mall) and felt much better! Phew.

Then I bought the stuff you could put on your top lip to lighten the "peach fluff" Well, I wasn't going to shave it!!! Have a word!!!!

Now it's gone (well it hasn't really but you can't see it and it's a secret)

I got to nearly 50 without anyone noticing, and then realised that the only one that notice it was ME?????

Oh dear.......................

I have a really good friend (well just the one then) who has recently gone through very invasive 2 hour long surgery.

He was going along very happily and then got sick, saw a doctor and they found a large growth deep in his bowel.

That's the medical term. He described it as having the sh*ts for 3 days and feeling like total cr*p. Luckily he was with BUPA (I'm not, so that's me F*cked in the same situation) BUT for once it's not about me (isn't it? ARE you sure?) Oh damn those voices in my head.

Any old how. We all waited with baited breath. His Doctor (or Probably Professor) wasn't hopeful. He sat them down (Friend and wife) and said 1 in 20 of that size wasn't malignant and they had to be brave.

Friend was happy skippy and hoping for the best. Wife was crying on Hubbies shoulder in supermarket carpark before going home. I was sat at home chewing nails down to the shoulder.

So today, he got the results. YEY! Just a great big cyst. As I said to him, WELL in your case, it has to be the biggest, and the best, and you achieved it YET again!!!

But I am skipping around my kitchen, and SO glad that, that lovely couple can make plans for a few more happy years.

We have to celebrate the best of everything because NONE of us knows how long that will last.

Raise a glass with me, for my daft Slap head friend and his lovely missus............. x x x x