We’ve had the Vicar around today (no, we have).

The place I work is so big and so old (I think it was probably opened by Adam) that is has a retained Vicar on the payroll.

The party line is that he is kept on by the Company to increase morale (?) eh? Try a pay rise would ya, that would increase my morale way more than a visit from the Clergy. My friend maintains that it is discourage the workforce from having time off for funerals and the like. He says that they’re plotting to dredge the disused canal that runs through the middle and do “quickie” burials at sea, so to speak. To be honest, I think it’s a marvelous idea, and way more entertaining than your usual interment, but I’ve never been one to follow the crowd.

He’s a funny kind of chap our Vicar, sort of quiet and hairy (puts me in mind of Gorilla’s in the mist or possible Big Foot) Ah bless him, he’s a nice enough bloke to give him his credit. I just never know what to say to him, and for some reason he always make a bee line for me. Yikes!

The bloke who sits opposite me always says that the correct way to greet a vicar isn’t to say “eh up your holiness how’s it hanging? But good Afternoon Vicar, seems way too formal for my liking, and I feel it might encourage him, and then he might expect cups of tea and cake, and believe me, I will NOT be able to form the words “more tea vicar” without laughing out loud.

I blame my upbringing. All those coffee mornings, my Mum used to put on for her Church Cronies. There they’d sit wiping the foam from their moustaches and pursing their mouths like dog bottoms. Then there was Sunday School. Ye Gods. If it wasn’t bad enough to have to go to school Monday through ‘til Friday they chucked Sunday in as well.

So I’m not a fan of organised religion, but don't get me wrong, I have nothing against people who do.

I do believe in the Law of Attraction and that we make our own destiny. But really, I couldn’t be arsed into getting into a deep conversation with the Vicar on the subject.

So, I remembered a pressing errand I had to run , and left my poor colleague to deal with His Worship. Ah, I know, I’m never going to heaven. They wouldn’t let me in anyhow. Besides, my colleague has way more need of a lift in “Morale”. He has to sit and look at yours truly every day for a start. For that alone, he probably should be sainted…………………………………………….