Size 10 by teatime

Someone sent me this joke today.....

Couple on their wedding night.
Wife says to Husband. "darling I have a confession, I used to be a hooker"

Husband replies, "well never mind darling, that was all in the past, but I find the idea strangely erotic. Tell me more"

"Well" say's Wife. "My name was Nigel and I played Rugby for Wigan"

I'm still sniggering to be honest....

Have you ever had those days when you wonder if you really ARE insane, or if it is the other bloke (or woman).

Today I hadn’t prepared anything to bring to work for my lunch, but there was some left over chicken in the fridge. So I thought oh good I will go into our little cafeteria at work and get something from the salad bar to go with the chicken. Easy Peasy. Well not really as it happens. I went into the cafeteria only to be told by the smiling, cheerful, always helpful person behind the counter, that they no longer do a salad bar. What? You did one yesterday, I had some. Really I did. She gave me a look designed to make small children cry (I lied about her happy personality) grunted, wiped something unspeakable off her nose with her apron and said “ well we’ve stopped, nobody was buying it” “Apart from me, I was buying it!” (I’ve always feared that I might be a nobody, but to have it confirmed so bluntly was a bit of a blow I can tell you.)

She sniffed some more and had a bit of a rummage beneath her bosom. She didn’t find any Salad and I have to say that I was thankful for that. “We’ve got chips” she said. Oh well that’s alright then. The chip is often a popular substitute for salad, but frowned upon greatly in fatfighter circles. I didn’t want to antagonise her too much, I feared she may have a cattle prod hidden under the bain marie for the likes of me (the customer) Have you got anything else I asked with a smile. She sighed. Quite heavily actually, I had to hang on to the front of counter to avoid being blown backwards out of the door. We’ve got chips, pie, cheesecake and chocolate éclairs she said with an air of finality. She was tapping her foot by now and had all the calmness and serenity of my Uncle Fred’s bull before it is about to charge. Fruit? I squeaked, my voice having risen several octaves with the stress of the situation. She slapped a VERY ripe banana on the counter and I made a hasty retreat.

This just goes to prove what I’ve always thought. Salad isn’t always the healthiest option, and fruit can leave a nasty mark when thrown with enough force!!