My new friend "http://www.blog.co.uk/user/adamantixx/" (Sorry! That's the best I can do as a technophobe.) Wrote a really good blog about bodice rippers and I commented with one of my daft ditties. He thought you should see it. So here it is. I wrote it quite a few years ago when I discovered Mills & Boon at the library as a teenager. Before I found better material, or even began writing it. Enjoy!
MILLS & BOON
I've seen the old bids down the Library
as they furtively peer through the gloom
and they shun all the culture but they'll fight like a vulture
to get to the new Mills & Boon
As reading goes it's quite harmless
it surely beats reading the Sun
though most men would agree that it lacks a page three
well it's got one but it's not so much fun
Mills and boon are quite strict with their writers
they must stick to a proven idea
their men never wear vests on their broad manly chests
and they much prefer champagne to beer
The hero must always be macho
won't wear pink isn't limp in the wrist
the women are frilly submissive and silly
pay attention you're getting the gist
Her hair must be black like a raven
her eyes must be violet of green
and he might be Italian and hung like a stallion
but they wouldn't print that - it's obscene
She always hates him at the outset
she's impervious to his great charms
but he won't give a toss 'cause this guy is the boss
and he knows she'll end up in his arms
Their eyes might just meet in a restaurant
or on a cruise on a boat out at sea
it won't matter where 'cause he won't start to care
'til at least page two hundred and three
Then just when she's sobbing and desperate
convinced that he'll marry her friend
when her hearts fit to bust he'll be conquered by lust
and it all turns out right in the end
There's no mystery no malice no murder
if there is it was all a mistake
there's no inclement weather no one dressed in leather
and no down the earth sex for Gods sake
On occasion they'll mention his manhood
as she swoons in his arduous embrace
but they never say if it gets in the way
or indeed if it finds the right place
So you won't find me down at the Library
in the queue to be easily led
about Tarquin and Florence - I'll read D.H. Lawrence
'cause at least they all end up in bed
