Every time I open my email I get excited. I know, I know, I take the tablets but they don’t help. 46 messages to download it promises me. I wait with bated breath. Well garlic breath actually, don’t blame me, blame Hubby, it’s on offer in Tesco and we can’t leave a bargain. Well he can’t obviously. I should know by now that nothing good can come of this. 1 message is from somebody demanding money with menaces, (don’t ask) and the other 45 are from people trying to sell us Viagra.
Excuse me? Have we asked for Viagra, NO. Do we need Viagra. NO NO NO. Please NO. I wake at six am as it is with something poking me in the back and mumble “don’t sweep the bedroom floor now for heavens sake I’m sleeping” It might be a broom, it might not be a broom, but at that time in the morning I haven’t the energy to find out.
I don’t know if Viagra is a good thing. Although in my mind I see millions of men jumping up and down ewwww no I can’t hold that thought.
So, bear with me here, I know I’m rambling. If I could reply to all these pharmaceutical entrepreneurs then I would send them the following. It’s my take on the whole thing. So it must be right. Right?
VIAGRA
As a race we've had many inventions
The dishwasher fridge and the car
And some like the wheel have been used a great deal
And there's some that are frankly bizarre
We've made craft to explore other planets
And nobody minded at all
It’s never too soon to send men to the moon
Just a pity we can't send them all
We've found cures for some awful diseases
To stop us becoming quite ill
And Women just think we were chained to the sink
Until we discovered the Pill
What's the sink got to do with being pregnant
As a line it was just off the cuff
It’s just now we don't care we'll be chained anywhere
With no fear that we'll be up the duff
So then what is this deal with Viagra
This is something that surely won't thrive
If it's left up to me and you just wait and see
It will rival the Sinclair C5
I had mates in the lab when they found it
And the women researchers they scoffed
At this elderly bloke they all laughed 'til they choked
Indeed they all thought he'd gone soft
They said to this Doctor whose eighty
I'd have somebody look at your head
If the blood has succeeded to go where it's needed
Your heart will pack up - you'll be dead
But the women will love it the bloke said
Don’t be daft said the girls with a frown
Marriage creates quite an interesting state
Where all feeling is lost from waist down
Ah but what of the girls who are single
Surely they'll be delighted no doubt
Well they thought this was funny - we all know that's it's money
Not sex that gives old blokes the clout
So why don't we shelve the Viagra
If it's firmness your girlfriend desires
To make her more keen find her someone nineteen
Who will surely rekindle her fires
As for old blokes I'm sorry to tell you
With Viagra - you're sure out of luck
You’ll just make us see red bringing drugs to our bed
We’re much happier with a good BOOK!!!!!
