Somebody sent me this joke today
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express Praise for answered prayers.
A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, 'I have a Praise.'
Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his
scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors
didn't know if they could help him.'
You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they
imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced. Pat continued, 'Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation. They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.'
Again, the men in the Congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim. She continued, 'Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctor's say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely.'
All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if any one else had anything to say.
A man rose and walked slowly to the podium. He said, 'I'm Jim and I want to tell my wife, the word is sternum.
It reminded me of my late mother in law who quite often used to use the wrong word entirely or the use the right word in the wrong context.
She would often talk about the constituency of her gravy, could never pronounce the word economize. But always said ecomonize, and on one occasion got the attention of the whole bus when explaining to the lady sitting next to her, that her husband sometimes had mood swings that were quite erotic (erratic).
On a similar note, No.1 son's first girlfriend was playing Articulate with us one Christmas. It is the game where one team member gives the other clues as to the answer. Their category was famous people. Girlfriend who wasn't the sharpest tool in the drawer, was giving clues. It's a composer I think she said? No.1 one Son was guessing away. Beethoven, Brahms, Schubert, and on and on he went. In the end they ran out of time and we all waited with bated breath. Fidel Castro she shrieked. How on earth did you work out he was a composer you soft tart enquired No.1 Son. He was a dictator!! Oh she said, It was the Fiddle bit that got me......
It's get worse - or better
Next round, famous people again, and girlfriend again giving clues (you'd have thought we would have learned by now). Oooh I know this one, you'll get this, it's something to do with Oral sex and boats. No.1 son and the rest of us, Eh? Again time ran out, she looked around at the rest of us as though we were stupid. It was Fellatio Nelson she explained. No.1 Son refused to play anymore, and were no longer capable, Hubby had choked on a twiglet and I had wet myself.........................
