I was watching a programme on Sky Real Lives last night (Oh I know, I either need to get a life or a good book or both), it was about women who had previously been crowned Slimmer of the Year and what happened to them afterwards.

Well I really won’t bore you with the whole story, but the gist of it was that even if they’d kept the weight off they weren’t happy, If they’d put it back on they weren’t happy, and if they were happy then there husband wasn’t happy. Do you see a theme developing. They were a pretty miserable bunch to be honest.

What really got me thinking was one woman who claimed that rather than sticking to a healthy eating plan she had lost her weight by taking laxatives and water tablets. Daft mare. Anyway, it reminded me of when I was a holiday rep years ago in the South of France. A girl I worked with had gained a few pounds (around 20 or so) and claimed that it was nothing more than water retention (it was beer and baquettes honest). She got talking to a woman in the bar one night, now I don’t know about you but I don’t usually follow medical advice given to me by a drunken bar flies (which is why I rarely visit my Dr.) but she was adamant this woman knew what she was talking about.

Water tablets. That’s what I need, a couple of weeks of them and I’ll be back to normal. I wonder where you can get them?

I forgot about this conversation for a few days until she came running into our apartment, eyes sparkling and full of excitement. Look what I found she cried, water tablets? I took them from her and read the packet. Have you taken any of these yet I asked her?

No, not yet, I couldn’t find the dosage on the package but they’re French so I thought you might be able to work it out. I looked at her, sighed, and said. They are water PURIFICATION tablets you mad old bat, you’re not supposed to take them. Oh she said, won’t they help me lose weight then. Well in a way, I said, they’ll probably kill you, which is a sure fire weight loss programme, but the good news is that your urine would probably be pure enough to drink. I am sure she thought I was taking the p*ss.