Size 10 by teatime

Well, it's getting to that time of night. Hubby is reclining on the couch, but for a change he's awake. Well, I think he is. I've glued his eyes open cause it just makes me feel better, he is looking in two directions at once, so no change there then? Any how. He's watching this thing about Gold Diggers and I had a light bulb moment. After I had put the steps away and changed it, (the light bulb, his pamper is still dry) I realised where I had been going wrong all these years. I have NEVER married for money?? I have married coz I thought i was getting old (23) oh have a word, and that only lasted 18 years. He left me 'cause I was too funny. "what do you mean too funny" Funny haha, funny peculiar, or just hilariously funny? No, he said "You just smell funny" Doh, people just don't work at things. Then I married the present Mr Zappy for lurve. He's a babe (no not a pig, but just as cute). But these people are going on the net and finding sugar daddys & mummys. Oh why didn't I think of that? I thought I had explored all the avenues for getting rich. But apparently not. Sadly it's too late. To play this game you need blonde hair that at least touches your bum. And while mine does, the hair on my head ends at my neck and the rest is just a
documentary waiting to happen. You need a cute smile (well once I get some teeth) I'm hoping to inherit my great grandmothers dentures. And you need a winning personality. I've tried to buy one on ebay but I keep getting outbid. So that's me lot then. I'm stuffed. So back to the retirement plan six numbers out of 49, how hard can it be.................

I do like a good muffin. Just ask Hubby, he is often to be found in the queue at Greggs, yelling “can I have a squeeze of your muffins love, the missus likes em moist”. Today at Greggs they had a very tantalising display of the Lemon & Poppy seed variety. Since it’s Friday Hubby and I decided we would treat ourselves, and before anyone asks, No, I will not be making a full and frank confession at Fat Fighters on Tuesday. You get lines for that sort of behaviour. So we purchased two of these fine fancies drooling in anticipation of a nice cup of tea to go with when we got home. On the way back we had to nip into the local supermarket for a gallon of baby oil and 2 dozen laxatives. We’re having a party. (don’t ask). When we got back into the van we were greeted by Dawg, (who had somehow managed to squeeze his 8 stone frame through the seats into the front) There he sat with a look of supreme innocence on his furry little fizog. He had a Greggs bag hanging from one ear, crumbs dusted amongst his whiskers and a definite lemony air about him. “What have you done?” Hubby asked in his I’m not messing about voice. Dawg, wagged a a little nervously and then gave Hubby a look of complete distain, as if to say “What? – it was muffin to do with me”! On the bright side, I won’t have to worry about the calories. It’s a Doggone shame nonetheless.